1) Playing in the Band: Vince Carter is such a pansy, that he attended band camp. Now everyone knows that band camp is for prude, socially marginal Ws and Wanna-Be’s who haven’t hit puberty. So what was VC doing there? Practicing blowing on horns.
2) Mama’s boy: Now all Legends know just how cool it is to be Grandma’s Boy and take advantage of your family wealth, but no Legend is a Mama’s boy. Not only did Vince Carter consult his mother on every decision he ever made, but his mother also stood up and fought for him when his PROFESSIONAL basketball coach called him out. You can be sure she also wiped his ass after going to the washroom.
3) Injuries: Making up names for injuries isn’t cool. In fact, it only goes to show you how much of a pussy you are when no one else in the history of human evolution has incurred the same type of injury as you. And that is exactly what Vince Carter did with ‘jumper’s knee’. When Vince Carter got hurt, it was as though he had been shot by Lee Harvey Oswald. Legends like to embellish things (stories, food, hookers), but the extent that VC embellished his injuries was downright embarrassing. I can only imagine what would happen to a guy like this in prison (#16?)
4) Skill: Minimal. Vince Carter is no longer relevant in the NBA. His stats this season are even worse than that mockery of 20 games he played for the Raptors in 2004. Fuck, Ron Artest (Legend) shoots a higher FG% than him and he plays drunk. His team’s record is significantly worse this season, and there is already speculation that the hometown kid (who gets boo’d relentlessly by the home town fans) is on his way out of town.
Toronto fans will always have a disdain for Vince Carter, and rightfully they should. He should constantly be reminded of his character flaws and waste of talent. He should be used as an example of what not to be. He should be exiled from the NBA for his facial expressions. He should be shunned from society for being the lowest of low. Even his wife realized she was married to a Phony and took half his money and daughter in court. SO, always remember- no matter how ugly she was, or how many pills you slipped her, you can never be considered lower than Wince Carter.
UPDATE: Even ESPN is pumping VC sucks.
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