Now, I realize this post may be partially biased as I am not uncovering the purported myth that the majority of black women don’t go down on men either however, I have not really had the opportunity to ask any close friends who are black women. On the other hand, I have plenty of male black friends who were not shy to share their reasonings.
First things first, while distaste for cunnilingus is not entirely unpopular among men, it seems more common in black culture. In my discussions with several black males, it appears that distaste for cunnilingus is in fact not the specific issue. These men have admitted to doing it but it is not because they don’t like it or find it disgusting and horrible tasting or smelling, but rather it is a cultural implication that has impacted their lives to such a degree where they can receive but not give.
Selfish? Yes. Wrong? Depends on how you look at it.
You see, what has happened to these men who have chosen to adopt the cultural implication that black men don’t go down on women (note this is more within the Caribbean culture than it is African) is that they are psychologically disturbed by the action itself rather than what it tastes like, how much fun they are having, how much the woman enjoys it, etc. Yes, your brain is filtering my words correctly: cunnilingus is psychologically disturbing to some black men. An outrageous claim I must admit but there really is no other way to put it. Don’t twist my words around as I know you all tend to do that. Sure, I may give the implication that these men have horrid nightmares of massive vaginas engulfing them into a dark hole all while enduring a rancid smell and plenty of black tentacle-like long pubes that proceed to grab and push their body through the Voldemort hissing pussy lips exclaiming “lick me!”; I’d rather not embellish. Basically what I am saying is that any time an individual does an action that is not in accordance to what they believe, most often some form of self loathing occurs as well as regret.
I have heard a few variations regarding the reasons why black men don’t go down on women but the main idea that osmosised its way through is that these men are taught to believe they do not need to go down on a woman to please her or get her off – their dicks should be enough and only men who are not good enough in bed succumb to having to use their tongue in order to do so. Put simply it makes them less of a man in the sac.
I’m sure many of you ladies are probably getting a little mad and perhaps disappointed that your night riding fantasy has to change a little, but hear me out…
Not that black men are ANY better at sex than any other race of men out there (err…I may or may not be lying) this does not mean you should go harp or challenge a black man’s beliefs toward cunnilingus because it doesn’t make sense to you, nor should you eliminate a black men from your roster of potential hook ups and future husbands. If it bothers you then talk to the guy about it but only after you’ve been seeing him for a bit. Don’t expect it on a one night stand.
And while sex isn’t the same for men and women…it is certainly a challenge to get most women off during sex. Since going down on women is certainly the easy way out in regards to pleasing us to the point of climax since we are more likely to have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation as opposed to vaginal, can we really blame some black men for refusing to accept anything less than pleasing us with their dicks? We may pity them because they can’t always please us that way but we can’t be mad at them for trying. I’m certainly not.
I like an ambitious man.
And you know what? There are plenty of ways to get you off without having your black man go down on you. Here are some solutions:
1. I understand the feeling of a man’s warm and wet tongue is utterly divine but there are ways to get a similar feeling if for whatever reason you were not aware. If you are one of those women who don’t get aroused enough to sell your own bottles of pussy juice (how unfortunate) then I suggest you buy a warming silicone lubrication with little to no glucose (aka non sticky) that won’t dry up on you. Have your man sit behind you (sitting with his chest to your back) and let him play with your clit. It’s engaging and fun. Who cares if he isn’t kissing your pussy – at least he’s pleasing you!
2. Bathtub play. Similar to the position as stated above (your back to his chest) , sit in a warm bath and let him play with your clit. It’s warm…it’s wet. Enjoy it.
3. Buy some toys. I advise you against buying any sort of dildo or vibrator that is bigger than his dick – this is called toy envy (don‘t say I didn‘t warn you!). Again, the focus is on you just as it would be with him going down on you. Choose the toy together if you want but remember, make sure it is worthy enough of pleasing you. Use it during sex or simply have him make you orgasm with it and it alone.
One final thought:
Are beliefs selfish? Of course. You have to accept them sometimes whether you like it or not. If your man hopes to do anal and you don’t…is it grounds for him breaking up with you or not wanting to date you because of that? No. That would be ridiculously selfish of him. So get over it. Go down on him if you enjoy it. He’ll love you for it. Just don’t get pissed off because he won’t go down on you. A black man (or any man for that instance) who doesn’t go down on you doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to please you, it just means he doesn’t want to please you through that means. Don’t take it too personally.
Filed Under: Women & Relationships
About the Author: There are a few things I prefer black: my coffee, little dresses, and men.