Jessica’s Jokes – American Thanksgiving Special Edition

JessicaJones | Nov 26, 2014 | Comments 1

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Enjoy this week’s jokes!

Imagine… if the Pilgrims had shot a bobcat instead of a Turkey, we’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.

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Martha had a parrot called Brutus. The only problem was that Brutus cussed something awful. Now Martha was having her in-laws over for Thanksgiving, and so she needed to train Brutus quickly not to swear.

Just before her Mother-in-law was due, Brutus cussed terribly, so Martha put him in the freezer for 2 minutes to literally cool off. Then she opened the door and took out the parrot along with the turkey.

“And have you learned your lesson about cussing?” Martha asked the parrot.

Brutus the parrot took one look at the dead turkey and said, “I sure have, but I have a question. What did the turkey do?”

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Things You Can Say At Thanksgiving and Get Away With

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It’s Cool Whip time!
4. If I don’t undo my pants, I’ll burst!
5. Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
6. I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It’s a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you’ll get some!
10. Don’t play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you’ll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn’t expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn’t think I could handle all of that!
18. That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it’s ready?

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Between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day, every commercial on TV is about giving presents to women. Do you know why all of the commercials are for women? It’s because you can’t advertise what guys want.

Like, legally you’re not allowed.

You’ll never see a commercial that says, “Ladies, this holiday season give him the gift that he’s been waiting for all year. A day of silence followed by a three way with you and your hottest friend… Followed by more silence.”

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