This post is of course continuing from Part 1 of my analysis of Vaughn Martin’s stats in this year’s installment of Madden.
Vaughn tied for first on the Chargers D-line. Across the league at LE, Charles Johnson from the Panthers put up a 25 and a lot of dudes had 10s.
Football defensive linemen must not have made very good paper boys. If 25 is the best in the league, we will give him a 25 just because he’s our boy.
Catch In Traffic/Spectacular Catch/Release: 15
I think the Madden developers are just assigning random numbers. As a supporter of catch and release fishing, I think Vaughn does deserve higher, but I will just leave these ratings alone because they’re meaningless.
Vaughn tied for 2nd amongst Chargers D-linemen. Across the league at LE, the best jumper is Mark Anderson from the Bears with a 90, and the most Greg Ostertag like vertical belongs to Cullen Jenkins with a 42.
The Madden developers were clearly high when handing out these ratings. Either that, or they went home early and let someone from the janitor’s department fill in the spreadsheet. I personally have seen Vaughn stand beside a Barney’s picnic table (probably about 54 inches high) and jump straight up on top of it from a stand still, without a leading step. That is freakishly explosive, and I bet he could do the BJ Penn jumping out of a pool thing if he tried. Clearly a 90.
Vaughn tied for last amongst the seven Chargers D-linemen. Across the league the best arm belongs to Matt Shaughnessy from the Raiders with a 36, and the bad jheri-curled FA from earlier checks in with an embarassing five. Henry, from the movie Rookie Of The Year post arm re-break got a seven, so Derreck Robinson should just give up football and try moving to India to work tech support for Dell or something.
Madden creators obviously didn’t attend many Martin family picnics or beach days, because I am pretty sure anyone who doesn’t throw a football end over end or straight at the ground in front of them deserves at least a 20. I’ll give him a 49 just because its halfway to Jamarcus Russell’s league leading 98.
Throw Accuracy: 13
Vaughn checks in at sixth out of seven Chargers D-linemen. Across the league at LE, Marcus Thomas from the Broncos checks in with a 40. Justin Tuck from the Giants brings up the rear with a nine.
The Madden creators must have seen Vaughn throw his keys over a valet’s head and through a restaurant window or something, because there is no reason any grown man should throw a football this poorly. I’ll give him a 49, because that makes him a little less than half as accurate as Peyton Manning. I am pretty sure a 13 year old surfer girl who got her arm bitten off by a shark could score at least a 15 with her stub.
Short/Medium/Deep Throw Accuracy/Throw On The Run/Play Action: 5
All irrelevant categories for a defensive linemen.
Not really important, and not worth analyzing or changing. I did see Vaughn talk to a lot of girls around campus and at the bars, so I am positive his amount of “play” and “action” were far more than 1 in 20 times, so I’m going to give him an 80 in that category to retain journalistic integrity.
Vaughn ranked last of the Chargers D-linemen. Across the league in his position Ty Warren is the front runner with a 92, and Marcus “I’m a free agent for a reason” Howard checks in the rear with a 48.
Vaughn is right at the median for his position. The ratings people clearly never saw him swallow OUA runningbacks whole, just to spit out their helmets and cleats once he reached his daily protein intake. Definite 85.
Hit Power: 75
Vaughn checks in at first on the Chargers d-line. The highest ranked LE in the league is Jarius Wynn of the Packers with an 85, and the biggest ballerina at this position is Jason Hatcher from the Cowboys with a 46.
Vaughn is tied for seventh in the league with a bunch of other dudes. The man is a beast. We won’t call him the best hitting LE in the league yet since he is just a rookie, so an 84 sounds good.
Power Moves/Finesse Moves: 60/55
Vaughn is last on the Chargers D-line for power moves, and fourth of seven for finesse moves. The best in the league for his position for these categories are 93 and 97, and the worst are 45 and 48.
For someone that big and strong and agile, these ratings suck. They suck harder than Campus Rec weightroom policies. 80 and 80 sounds far more accurate.
Vaughn ranked in at fifth of seven on the Chargers D-line, and the highs and lows across the league are a 92 and a 50 by Marcus “Free Agent For Life” Howard.
Anyone who has gone to Western, and ever gotten laid has learned some very important skills along the way pertaining to getting rid of a fat cock blocking friend. Thus Vaughn deserves an 80.
Vaughn checks in at sixth of seven Chargers defensive linemen. Across the league at LE, Robert Mathis is once again the best at 97, and Kevin Smith of the Broncos checks in with a 59.
Not high enough. The guy is fast. 9th to last for his position is horribly inaccurate. I suggest the Madden developers sneak up on Vaughn and steal the steak off his plate for a more accurate reading. I give him an 85.
Play Recognition: 39
Apparently this correlated with his paperweight-esque awareness rating. Last on the Chargers, and near the league worst 36. Best in the league at LE is Ty Warren of the Patrioits and Aaron Smith of the Steelers with 92s.
Being able to tell that a,) you are on defense and then that b.) the ball has been snapped and then eventually deciding c.) who has the ball, the QB or the RB? without stopping and asking for a piece of paper and a pencil to figure it out should get you at least a 50. Vaughn is a smart dude and should get an 85.
Kick Power/Accuracy: 17 and 11
Vaughn ranks in at sixth on his team’s d-line. The guy worse than him got an 8. Across the league at LE the high is Gaines Adams of the Bucs with a 33, and the worst is Dave Ball from the Titans with a 7.
I’m never picking Dave Ball for my kickball team. Anyone who can connect their toe with a pre-determined target without putting themself in a wheelchair in the process should get a 50, and thats what I will give Vaughn.
Six of the seven Chargers D-linemen got a 10, and one Einstein got a five.
I am not sure exactly what this stat means, but if I had to guess I am going to assume its correlated to finding the right hotel after a night of partying, and finding the right locker room after a game. Vaughn gets a 98, because no one is perfect, and sometimes he might have to take a girl back to her place so that his teammates don’t see her.
Vaughn ranks sixth of seven on his team, and the highs and lows across the league for his position are 91 and 53.
The Madden rankings guys obviously have never been around the Ceeps at 2:30 when the lights come on and all the trays have been finished. I’ve never found Vaughn in a corner passed out in his own vomit like I have found countless others, so he gets a 90.
After updating Vaughn in Madden with my much more accurate ratings, his overall rating jumps from a tied for 43rd overall worst and 2nd worst at his position 50, to a QB destroying and game changing 96. Western breeds champions. Champions of finance, champions of industry, champions of getting crushed, slaying fine women, and eating NFL quarterbacks. John Madden’s 91 year old drooling senile ass doesn’t get it, but we do… It’s a Mustang thing.
And be sure to check out the first installment below!
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