TwitterVerse: Rejected Cards [Holiday Special]

Are you tired of your job? Need to mix things up? Well check out what a fed up copywriter started doing when their job got a little too mundane. Rather than discard their clever card ideas (see what I did there) this inspired individual decided to compile them for independent sale HERE and Tweet them through the Twitterverse.

So check out some of my favourites from Rejected Cards, leading off with a few Holiday related Tweets, and expect more to come from the Twitterverse (some of these are way offensive… awesome):

Happy Kwanzaa to my black friends, Merry Christmas to my Christian friends, and Happy Hanukkah to Jews. 11:47 AM Dec 14th

During this time of year, let’s think about how to keep Christ in Christmas. And remove the “Merry” part instead. 11:19 AM Dec 11th

Over the Holidays, let’s all slow down and spend quality time together as a family. On second thought, just Facebook me 11:30 AM Dec 8th

Happy Kwanzaa, my black friend! Kwanzaa just means y’all worship a black baby Jesus instead of the real one, right? 4:25 PM Dec 2nd

Merry Christmas from Mrs. Claus! Santa couldn’t send a card this year. He’s still in a diabetic coma from your cookies 11:49 AM Dec 1st

‘Tis the Season. T’get fucked up. 3:06 PM Nov 27th

Since I couldn’t be home for the Holidays, please direct your drunken slurs and insecurities towards this card instead 4:35 PM Nov 26th

Feliz Navidad mi amigo! You don’t happen to know anyone who’s hiring back in your country, do you? 5:05 PM Nov 16th

Honey, when we make love it still gives me a special tingly feeling. And more than just a normal herpes flare up. 3:32 PM Dec 7th

Happy Valentine’s Day, Sweetheart. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if you and your cat weren’t in it.

Congratulations to our Son. We were so blessed when you were born, and now again with the miracle of your graduation. 3:51 PM Dec 16th

Sweetheart, knowing you will be mine until the end of time is all I need in this world. Oh, and this prenup signed. 4:52 PM Dec 15th

Happy Anniversary, Mom. I’m so thankful you have such a wonderful marriage. Too bad Dad didn’t live long enough to see it 2:58 PM Dec 14th

Congratulations on getting married, but you do realize abortions are still legal, right? 11:28 AM Dec 7th

Sorry to hear you have cancer….but wearing the pink ribbon is really only for people who don’t deserve their disease 4:18 PM Dec 4th

Congrats on your baby girl! Before you know it she’ll be dating. Feed her excessively now so her options will be limited 2:53 PM Dec 4th

During the Holidays, I want to take a moment to tell you how thankful I am for hardcore pornography. And friends like you. 5:05 PM Dec 1st

Happy Birthday, Sis. Just so you know, I don’t always think about killing you. I also think about how to get away with it 5:33 PM Nov 30th

Congrats on your engagement. She seems like a great girl except for the cankles. 11:56 AM Nov 24th

Sorry to hear you have Alzheimer’s. I’m sending positive thoughts your way. And this helpful map of your neighborhood 11:21 AM Nov 23rd

Congratulations, you’re pregnant! I know you’ll love your baby unconditionally. Unless it’s born with lobster claw hands 5:05 PM Nov 20th

I never thought I’d find someone to love that’s so special and unique. In fact, before you, I had never even met a tranny 11:26 AM Nov 20th

So sorry you lost your job. Are there other professions that use poles? 3:28 PM Nov 18th

Our love is like a beautiful tree that over the years grew and flourished. Then you went and caught root rot from that skank 12:11 PM Nov 17th

Wow, that got out of hand pretty quickly! Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas people!