The Friday Hangover Cure: Tyra Banks Edition

Your career as the Thursday night drunken resident is nothing short of extraordinary.  However, it’s probably not a life path you explored during Careers class in grade 10.  Back then, you were all about the Saturdays.  Thursdays didn’t even cross your  mind!  As you contemplate ways on how you’ll create global peace and cure H1N1 during your Friday hangover, consider the prosperous career and contributions of an international-crazy-eyes spokesperson: Tyra Banks.  Her glistening forehead and breastesses have mesmerized many across the universe during her sex-symbol days.   While on her quest to take over the media, Tyra contributed so much towards the prosperity of humankind.  This Friday, we pay homage to the ways that TyTy revolutionized the world!

1. Tyty revolutionized The Smile With the Eyes ©. Not to be taken lightly, this invention is copyrighted.  And why exactly is the art of smiling important?  Because as Tyra says, when you meet a bitch, you can “move a hand to your hip, look forward, dip that booty to the right, and let your face say ‘Okay, okay, okay, uh-huh.’“  If you do it wrong, Tyra will personally hunt you down.  Trust.  For a hardcore smiling tutorial, click here.

2. Tyty revolutionized taking responsibility for yourself. During one of the earlier seasons of America’s Next Top Model, Tyra let her inner dragon out and bit off some anorexic’s head.

3. Tyty revolutionized boob appreciation. Although she has a great rack of her own, Tyra LOVES her some boobies and she isn’t afraid to share that love publicly.  In fact, she is a strong proponent of the cop-and-feel.  Here is proof…
Cop-and-feel victim #1: Americon Idol has-been.

Cop-and-feel victim #2: Rosie O’Donnell. WTF?!

4. Tyty revolutionized advocacy for things that people with cellulite like. When images of Tyra’s post-modelling weight gain emerged, we all thought, “Tyra must really like wink pants.”  But OH HELLS NO!  Homegirl shot back and and stood up for non-anos everywhere!  She’s down with her new-found cush’n for the pushin’.

5. Tyty revolutionized “being real”. Even her weaves agree.

6. Tyty revolutionized lingerie. Well, more like she revolutionized the wet dreams of boys everywhere.  And you didn’t think I’d leave you hanging (literally) without a vintage Victoria’s Secret Tyra reel, did you?  Please, give me more cred than that!

And there you have it.  For more Tyra ridiculousness, tune into her daytime talk show, aptly titled The Tyra Show.  Although she strives to be Oprah (as can be seen here with the intensely deep yelling), Tyra is a bit more like Maury.  Great topics never fail her, like a woman with two vaginas!!!  No lie.

Chug a beer.  Have sex with everyone.  Repeat after your hangover.

Also check out:

The Friday Hangover Cure: Druken Fools Edition

The Friday Hangover Cure: Undergraduate Elixir of Life Edition

The Friday Hangover Cure: Epic Virgins Edition