The Friday Hangover Cure: Jersey Shore Withdrawal Edition

The day of reckoning is upon us… the day we’ve all patiently been waiting for… the arrival of ♥Pauly D♥ and The Situation to the great white North!!!  As we prepare our biceps for a fist pumping tonight at London’s Club Mansion and tomorrow at Toronto’s WetBar, let us reflect on the one show that defined our lives for weeks, Jersey Shore.  Since the end of this epic tanned saga, many of us have been going through Guido withdrawal.  Our only saving grace and comfort has been a regular routine of GTL (gym-tanning-laundry, for all you n00bs).  It’s a known fact that you’re hung over today, so get over it and get ready for tonight’s debauchery with a Jersey Shore refresher!

1. The Situation describes the Jersey Shore situation. You don’t mess with the man of the house!  Unless he calls you fat.

“Basically, one of these girls was definitely more cuter than the other and it happened to be my girl and Pauly D was with ‘the grenade’.  When you go into battle, you need to have some friends with you so that just in case a grenade gets thrown at you, one of your buddies takes it first. ” – Ep. 4

2. Snooki got punched. All the girl wanted was to dance to some beats, find a nice guy, go home, and suck on a pickle.  Instead, she got punched in the face by a dude… and a non-Guido at that!

“Pickles is my thing.” – Ep 3. And later… “I’m not pissed off that they put pickles under my bed as a joke, but I’m pissed off that Mike and Pauly wasted two pickles.” – Ep. 8

3. Ronnie taught us all his creepy patent dance moves. Fist pumping was complimentary.  Afterward, Ronnie went home to a big toe (Sammi Fred Flinstone style).

“Me and Sam actually leave around like 4 o’clock, we’ve been here since 12 o’clock, 5 hours is like enough.” – Ep. 7

4. Pauly D’s whole life was stalked on the boardwalk so Vinny helped him out. Remember when Pauly D said he wasn’t sure if his hair was bulletproof?  This was the closest he came to finding out, because the Jewish stalker girl was c-razy! If only Vinny’s mom was there, she would’ve straightened her out!

“I don’t even understand that religion or what it is, I just wanna get to the business.” – Pauly D Ep. 7
“Yo, Pauly D has a little situation on his hands… she’s definitely a stage 5 clinger.” – Vinny Ep. 8

5. JWOWW gave us the 101 on how to prevent cheating: HAM! What she failed to consider was the luring effect of sausage (aka Pauly D’s).  It only goes to show that some meats may protect you but others will pull you in, and you won’t even pull out.  Just sayin’.

“Get some food. Feel better. Drink heavily.” – Ep. 5

The executive decision has been made to cut Sammi Sweetheart from this video tribute because she’s whiny, jealous, and she cock-blocked Ronnie from fun times at the Shore.  One word: buzzkill.

“Go home. You don’t belong here. You don’t even look Italian!” – Ep. 6

Angelina isn’t even a real part of the Jersey Shore (bailshow!).  However, she did contribute a one-liner for the books that is worthy of mention…

“I feel like this job is beneath me, I’m a bartender. I do, like, great things.” – Ep. 2

Eat a juicy pickle, blow out your hair, and fist pump outta here to Mansion!

Chug a beer.  Have sex with everyone.  Repeat after your hangover.

Also check out:

The Friday Hangover Cure: Botched Plastic Surgery Edition

The Friday Hangover Cure: The G-ma Edition

The Friday Hangover Cure: The Year 2000 Edition

The Friday Hangover Cure: After-school 90’s TV Edition