Procrastination Station: All, yes, ALL of the Super Bowl 44 Ads

Overall I wasn’t too impressed with this year’s ads, as I know most of us weren’t, but I think a large portion of that can be attributed to the fact that over the years Super Bowl Adism has been over-hyped to an unreasonable degree. Had any of these ads aired 3-4 years ago, I’m sure we would have been blown away, but in our era of over-analyzed media, it is often very difficult for anybody to come up with anything deemed impressive by their peers. Such is life. Anyway, below you’ll find a compilation of pretty much all of the ads (Go Saints).

Megan Fox’s Motorola Ad

Might as well get this one out of the way first, as it’s probably the reason you’re here (I’m not mad atchya). I’m also submitting this image to Stop Making That Duckface! You will notice that Meg’s thumbs are strangely normal looking in this video, and we all know this to be false. There’s a search underway to find out who her thumb double was and where the original footage is… the internet is awesome.

FloTV’s Jason Nance

This one gets the award for “Legitimate Comedy” as it was one of the only well written and executed commercials out of the whole lot. I’ll never buy this product, because it’s a waste of money, but kudos to FloTV for at least making me consider it.

Bud Light’s Version of “Lost”

There are more beer related commercials coming up, but this one stole the show for me as I’m a hopeless Lost viewer, much like most of North America. I wish the series had opened like this ad does. It would have been a lot more interesting. Equally as frustrating, but a lot more interesting.

Bridgestone “Life or Wife” Commercial

This ad was actually terrible, but for the gorgeous Bar Paly, that some idiot supposedly trades for a set of Bridgestone tires… right. If Bar Paly were my wife I wouldn’t let her out of her cage would cherish her until the end of time.

There was another Bridgstone commercial featuring 3 guys and a whale, but believe me when I tell you that’s about as interesting as it gets. We’re talking Super-Fail here.

Google Wants You To Fall In Love In Paris

This will be one of the most talked about commercials, as Google enters the world of Super Bowl ads, and while I understand the mass appeal to women, I’d like to remind you all what Super Bowl ads are really about: Slap-stick comedy and buge hoobs! Enjoy!

This parody is far more entertaining

Vizio Commercial featuring Beyonce

You can sell me pretty much anything if Beyonce is cosigning it. Pink Snuggie? I’ll take two.

Danica Patrick’s GoDaddy.com Massage

There were a ton of GoDaddy.com commercials, so I’m not going to post them all, because they use the same formula every time: Introduce Danica. Describe an odd situation. Present sexual intrigue. Cut to URL. It’s lazy, but that seems to be the trend with most of this year’s ads.

Betty White Getting Tackled For Snickers

There’s something hilarious about watching an old woman getting tackled that’s strangely hilarious.

David Letterman featuring Oprah and Hitler Jay Leno

Yes, I realize it’s a bit of a stretch for me to draw parallels between Leno and Hitler, but the guy’s a douche. Sue me. #TeamConan!

Brett Favre MVP in 2020 Hyundai Commercial

Dodge Charger featuring Dexter

This commercial takes a stab at appealing to our manhood, and fails to hit the mark. If Dexter (Michael C Hall) had broken script and launched into a tirade about killing criminals, I’d buy a Dodge Charger right now.

Casket Full of Doritos

Don’t Touch My Mama and Don’t Touch My Doritos

Doritos Dog Collar Ad

The Simpsons’ Coke Ad

This was actually pretty lame, but it features many of our favourite Simpson’s characters, so I guess it was alright? Nah, it just means that whoever wrote this was really really lazy, and depended on hype over content. Welcome to modern media folks.

House of Bud Light

Best line: “There’s Bud Light in the fridge made of Bud Light”

Checking out this “making of” video featurin 15,000+ cans of Bud Light… that they emptied into a toilet… but whyyy?

Bud Light Asteroid Ad

Budweiser’s Human Bridge

Teleflora’s Flowers In A Box

Ok, so I could easily make a comment here about flowers, boxes, and deflowering boxes, but I’m just going to let you use your imagination on this one.

Will.I.Am’s My Generation Remix for Flo TV

An attempt at instilling a sense of nostalgia, as Will.I.Am. remakes The Who’s My Generation, in an ad that asks “Where were you then?” and ” Where will you be?” Our answer? “Drunk” and “Having sex”.

VW Punch Buggy Commercial

“Punch buggy, no punch backs” is a phrase that echoes from our childhood. Not a bad look for VW.

Monster.com “Violin Beavers” Commercial

This was a bit of a lame-o in my books. Hot girl at the end barely saves it. You can’t just throw a blonde at the end of a 30 second TV spot and expect us to pull out our wallets!

Dove Men+ Care

There was a major trend this year among ads for companies trying to increase their market share among men… this was a relatively lame attempt.

CareerBuilder.com’s Casual (Underwear) Friday Awkwardness

Ads with men in underwear were also a strange trend this year.

Denny’s’ Erroneous Screaming Chickens Ad

I say erroneous, because the release of eggs are just daily chicken periods, and in no way harm to the chicken. So really, the only ones that should be screaming in this commercial are the poor roosters that have to deal with the constant, daily moodswings of their female counterparts…. that would effing suck!

Erroneous Cars.com Smart Kid Ad

Another erroneous ad, as a kid this smart would probably spend more time on building his own car, than he would researching a used one. Way to disquality your own premise Cars.com.

Docker’s’ “I Wear No Pants” Song

As promised, more men in underwear. This one is also a little stupid, as it makes me want to roam free with my pants off and sing this catchy song, rather than buy a pair of Dockers.

CarMax.com Dramatic Chipmunk Faildom

Way to use a worn out Youtube trend CarMax.com. That Dramatic Chipmunk schtick is at least 5 years old… which is like 5000 years in internet time, as remakes and parodies run rampant in these parts. We are officially bored to death by your feable attempts at net-vid relevance.

Check out one of my all time favourite Dramatic Chipmunk parodies:

Intel’s Depressed Robot Ad

Another fail in my books, because it doesn’t make any sense, even for a commercial… robots don’t have feelings.

Robin Hood Trailer

This movie is the brain child of Ridley Scott, director of Gladiator, featuring Russel Crowe, the guy that played Gladiator.. a film directed by Ridley Scott… who apprently didn’t think anybody would notice he’s making the same movie twice.

Are you not entertained?

Tim Tebow’s Mom Is a Tank… also, there’s something about abortion in there

Older woman getting tackled? Still funny.

Bud Light Auto Tune Party featuring T-Pain

Hell, why not another auto tune parody? Nobody’s done that before. Probably the worst by Bud, but overall we’re not mad. They can’t all be gems.

If Polamalu Sees His Shadow…

This one might make the WTF Moment of the Week… no but seriously, what the fuck?

Boost Mobile’s Homage To 80’s Lameness

Remember when old school rap was cool… what were we thinking?

Sun Chips Biodegradable Bag Ad

This one makes the cut, because it’s absolutely awesome. My only question is, why doesn’t Frito-Lay use these bags for all of its products?

If you’ve made it this far, you’ve wasted about as much time as I have putting the compilation together… we’re both awesome.