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Enjoy this week’s jokes!
An elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age.
The old man responded, “Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!”
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!”
“What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired.
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman and the post office guy came by, she’d run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, `My old man’s home! My old man’s home!’”
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She’s not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a BAD case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.
Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, “Spot, get down from there.”
The guy thinks, “Great, they think the dog did it.”
He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts.
Finally the woman yells, “Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you.”
Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.
Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed of for so long; the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, and others.
Eventually, they make their way to Coney Island. As they stroll down the beach, taking in all the newness of America, they see a very large billboard that reads: “HOT DOGS,” with a big arrow pointing down to a little hot dog stand. Being hungry and seeing that having an American hot dog would be something new, they decide to try one.
So they order two hot dogs and sit on a nearby bench to enjoy another piece of Americana.
The first brother sets his hot dog in his lap, unfolds the paper wrapper, looks at his hot dog for a moment, and suddenly wraps it back up. He then turns to his brother and says, “What part of the dog did you get?”
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