Enjoy this week’s jokes!
Nina and Liz are having a conversation during their lunch break.
Nina asks, “So, Liz, how’s your sex life these days?”
Liz replies, “Oh, you know. It’s the usual, Social Security kind.”
“Social Security?” Nina asked quizzically.
“Yeah, you get a little each month, but it’s not enough to live on.”
One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. “Adam, you can start by kissing Eve.”
Adam looks puzzled at God, “Lord, what is a kiss?”.
God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord! That was great! What’s next?”
“Adam, I now want you to caress Eve.”
Puzzled again he asks, “Lord, what is caress?”
God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?”
“Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve.”
Puzzled yet again, “Lord, what is make love?” asked Adam.
God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush.
A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, “Lord, what is a headache?”
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant.
“No, no, no!” insisted the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
A husband and wife are watching a TV show about psychology that explains the phenomenon of “mixed emotions.”
The husband turns to his wife and says, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you couldn’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”
She says. “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.”
*Joke Submitted to Jessica by Roger Cooper
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