Enjoy this week’s jokes!
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life, because the woman’s biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. “Mary… Mary…”
Awestruck, Mary responds, “Is that you Fred?”
“Yes, I have come back like we agreed.”
“Well, what is it like?”
Fred excitedly tells his tale, “Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day.”
So happy, Mary says, “Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven.”
Fred replies, “Hell no, Mary, I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, “Who is this?”
“This is the maid,” answered the woman.
“We don’t have a maid,” said the woman.
The maid says, “I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
The woman says, “Well, this is his wife. Is he there?”
The maid replied, “He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife.”
The woman is fuming. She says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make $50,000?”
The maid says, “What will I have to do?”
The woman tells her, “I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he’s with.”
The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, “What do I do with the bodies?”
The woman says, “Throw them in the swimming pool.” Puzzled, the maid answers, “But there’s no pool here.”
A long pause and the woman says, “Is this 555-4821?”
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, “I call my husband ‘the dentist’ because nobody can drill like he does.”
Joanne giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, “Well, what do you call your boyfriend?”
Kathy frowned and said, “The postman.”
“Why the postman?” asked Joanne.
“Because, he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”
Lori, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist, in the hospital where she worked.
“Doctor, you must help me.” she pleaded. “It’s gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I
end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.”
“I see.” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter?”
“For God’s sake, no!” exclaimed the Nurse. “I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterwards.”
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