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Enjoy this week’s jokes!
Two men are playing tennis, when one man falls and hits his elbow and decides to go to the doctors. The other man says, “Don’t waste any money on the doctor, just go inside the store at the corner down the street, put $10 in the machine in the corner, piss in the cup, let it do its thing and a slip of paper will come out that tells you what you have”.
So he goes to the store, puts ten dollars in the machine, pisses in the cup and out comes a piece of paper. It says, “You have tennis elbow. Take this ointment cream, and apply it on your elbow 3-4 times a daily.”
He goes home wondering how it knew what was wrong, and wanted to see if this machine was a real miracle worker, so he went home and got his sister’s piss, brother’s piss, dog’s piss, jacks-off in the cup went back to the store. He put ten dollars in the machine and placed the cup in the machine.
The paper comes out and says, “Your sister has gonorrhoea, your brother has herpes, your dog has worms, and if you keep jacking-off like that you’ll never lose that tennis elbow.”
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
“Olympic condoms?” she blurts, “What makes them so special?”
“There are three colours,” he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”
“What colour are you going to wear tonight?” she asks cheekily.
“Gold of course,” says the man proudly.
The wife responds, “Really? Why don’t you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!”.
“And will there be anything else, sir?” the bellboy asked, after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
“No thank you,” the gentleman replied, “That will be all.”
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. “Anything for your wife?” he asked.
“Yeah! That’s a good idea.” the fellow said. “Please bring up a postcard.”
One day an old farmer fell asleep on the top level in a 2 level barn. When he woke up, he found his son having sex with his girlfriend on the bottom level of the barn.
He decided he wouldn’t disturb them, so he laid down and rested.
After a while he heard his son say, “Father, father up above. Give me strength for one last shove.”
So the father, being smart, replied, “Son, son down below. Get off and give your father a go.”
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