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Enjoy this week’s jokes!
Morris wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover and can’t remember anything he did the night before. He picks up his bath robe from the floor and puts it on. He notices there’s something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra. He thinks, “Bloody hell, what happened last night??”
He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his robe. Again he thinks, “What happened last night? What have I done? Must have been a wild party.”
He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is, “Please, if there’s a God, please let this be a teabag.”
A large, powerfully-built guy named Raymond meets a woman named Polly at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Raymond stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, Raymond flexes his muscular arms and says, “See that, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” Polly begins to drool. Raymond then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, “See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”
Polly is just aching for action at this point. Finally, Raymond drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, Polly grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. Raymond catches her before she is able to leave and asks, “Why are you in such a hurry to go?”
Polly then replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”
These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid’s house. The kid is so rich that he has his own swimming pool and all the kids go in.
As they’re changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other one, “Did you notice how small the rich kids’ penises were?”
“Yeah,” says his mate, “It’s probably because they’ve got toys to play with.”
Police officers George and Mary, had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, “Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout, and after I showered I realized I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them.”
George replied, “We don’t have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you.”
It was a hot day and Mary didn’t feel like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido’s nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido’s ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house. Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.
Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance. The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant’s balls in his mouth.
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