Has anyone else become afraid to turn on the television these days? Reality TV is effing terrifying. There are so many different shows out there claiming to be reality television, that are making me seriously doubt the validity of North America’s so-called “reality”. Believe it or not, I’m not talking about shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashians or Jersey Shore despite how stupid they are. I’m talking hard-core, weird-ass shit (sorry, there’s no other way to paraphrase this description). The kind of shows that are so stupid, they’d almost be funny if they didn’t make you feel like the human race was on a downwards spiral.
This week Jacky’s Sass takes a look at 12 of the Weirdest Reality Shows On TV, but be wary – as hilarious as they may seem, you may lose all faith in humanity after reading this.
1. The Swan
First airing in 2004, this reality series took a handful of “ugly ducklings” and put them through a series of makeovers and plastic surgeries to make them beautiful. The women weren’t allowed to look at themselves in the mirror during this “reconstruction” period, and only saw themselves when they were completely finished. Not only that, but after completely changing the physical make-up of these women, contestants were steadily eliminated, while the others went on to enter a Pageant, where one eventually was named the “The Swan”. I wonder what the women who fought for the vote would think about this show?
In Mr. Personality, one woman had to select a husband (not a boyfriend, obviously) from a pool of twenty bachelors. Sounds revolutionary, I know, but the twist to this show was that all the men had to wear masks and win the girl with their personalities only. In theory the show was a good idea, but the mask but just got really weird and lets be real, you could see enough of the man to get the gist of his looks. It was also hosted by Monica Lewinsky, which I’m sure didn’t help.
I’m sure many of you have ever seen the TLC show My Strange Addiction, where people eat chalk and other garbage like that, well My Crazy Obsession is just as messed up and maybe even weirder. You can see the lives of people who are obsessed with their Cabbage Patch Doll collection or a grown man who lives as a mermaid. Remember, these are obsessions, not addictions – less involuntary and more creepy.
It’s only natural that when a woman plans her wedding that the importance of getting plastic surgery be right up there beside getting the dress and the cake. E! gathered 12 brides-to-be and had them make a surgery wish-list. Each time they won a wedding-themed challenge, they would win one plastic surgery procedure off of their list. The winner would get her dream wedding, and every surgery on her list. Oh, and her husband wouldn’t see her until their wedding day – now THAT would be a reaction to watch.
**Warning – the video has some disturbing images!**
TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras has become very mainstream (thanks to Honey Boo-Boo), and if you think misbehaving children are funny then this is the show for you. But there’s nothing sadder than seeing a mother live vicariously through her four-year old.
The fact that this show exists, AND has different national versions makes me want to dry-heave. Then, when I factor in how much Paris Hilton got paid to produce this garbage, I become physically ill.
I don’t even know what to make of this show… cloning pets? I Cloned My Pet is on a completely different level. Not to mention the cost of cloning a pet is around one hundred thousand dollars… and to think, some people in this world can’t afford three meals a day.
Who’s Your Daddy took a woman adopted as a young child, and introduced her to twenty-five men, one of them being her real father. If the contestant correctly chose which man was her biological father, she would win one hundred thousand dollars (because finding your biological father wasn’t prize enough). The brutal part was that the other “fathers” were actors, and if they could convince the poor girl he was her biological “daddy”, he would win the one hundred thousand dollars. Take a look at this clip of a non-biological father trying to convince this grown woman he was her dad – it’s so, so sad. Needless to say this show got pulled off the air.
Five Amish individuals left their communities to participate in one of TLC’s most recent reality series. Watching the Amish transition to their new lives in New York City is painfully awkward to watch – whether they are buying lingerie, or experimenting with alcohol, it’s just wave after wave of second hand embarrassment.
At the end of the season secrets come out, and relationships are ruined, which leaves you wondering how much of a blessing this reality show really was.
Another gem in the treasure box that is TLC, is Extreme Cheapskates. This series takes a look at some of the cheapest people in America and this goes beyond couponing. These people do things like save ketchup packets, pee in jars to avoid flushing the toilet, and even go as far as not buying toilet paper. It’s actually quite sickening.
In 2003, five single idiots agreed to take part in Married By America, a reality show that invited Americans (by phone-in votes) to choose a FIANCE for them – yes, fiance. After getting engaged, the couples were put through tests, and relationship experts would eliminate a couple every week, until the last couple standing was to be married. None of the couples actually went through with the marriage, however, surprise, surprise.
The title of this reality series really says it all. It was basically a television version of the infamous website Hot or Not; where people who thought they were attractive got onstage and were rated by the judges… and that was it. I say that in past tense because the show got cancelled after one season. Shocking, I know. The pointlessness of the entire show is cringe-worthy enough, not to mention the vanity of every person involved.
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