[Ed. So we've run a little behind in the Emilia's Way series, but we're back on track now and we'll return to regular Thursday publishing! Be sure to check out previous issues! We've also got another article by Emilia's sister Danielle today! Check it out! Keep sending your submissions to email@example.com]
Strip Show : The Difference Between Men and Women
We can learn about sexual differences by observing male and female strip clubs.
Let’s say you need to pay your way through med school or fund your increasingly expensive habit of having cocaine and snorting children. One way to support your lifestyle would be to become a stripper. What skill sets will help mama pay off her student loan? The most successful strippers look youthful, naive, innocent, curvy and wear white shoes. Most important, however, is attitude because you need to look interested and aroused. Not even the best looking jenny on the block can succeed at stripping if she is not demonstrating physical signs of arousal. The primary signifier of female arousal is an arched back. This is why pole dancing is effective, since the straightness of the pole accentuates the curvature in a woman’s back. And, yes, it is the arch in the LOWER back. But I’m sure you can use your upper back arching skills to ring church bells or pose in Scoliosis quarterly.
If you are a male stripper, the skill sets are a little different and not nearly as marketable. This suggests that men value sexual attractiveness more than women. Male strippers need buff bodies, usually achieved from body building. However, there is an extra element of thematic construction for male strippers, specifically a “protector” persona. Male strippers often dress as firefighters, cops, and soldiers. This taps into the female desire to be protected by a dominant male. No one wants to see “Can’t work the photocopier Dale” take it off.
Therefore, female strippers must look fertile (young, big breasts, fit body, and aroused) and male strippers must look competent. So when looking at strip clubs, Darwinism is as evident as over priced drinks. However, strip clubs are inherently sexually segregated entities, so drawing conclusions based on such dehumanizing environments might be overly extrapolating their merit.
The reverse is beginning to happen. The once believed
Established Male +Attractive Female= Human Nature algorithm is becoming
Success in exchange for Sexual Attractiveness= Everyone wants sex and money algorithm.
The verdict is in, and older women are just as hot for youth as older men (think Demi Moore is to Michael Douglas). Youth want to attain wealth, and the wealthy want to attain youth. So go bag some cougars you OSAP cuties.
Bag some cougars? OSAP cuties? When did LDU become Elle Girl? Maybe things haven’t quite worked out for you, oh don’t do this, lock it up Emilia, the self awareness of catharsis, don’t you dare…because understanding the differences between men and women is a way for you to make sense of things… connect all the microdots, find coherence, I would really rather not get into it…but you knew as soon as you heard her speak, the familiar pillow talk, this is what happens when people work together and the ratio is not in your favour, too many women working here, shit, she sounds exactly like him, you talk to her about her relationship problems, water cooler talk, so easy to be her friend, and she’s talking about her feelings for him…gosh dammit he has been sleeping with her. You are so stupid. No. She is stupid. Does she think he likes her? He’s obviously just sleeping with her because she is easy, she is no prize, I am the prize, maybe this is to make me jealous, maybe because he is too afraid of being in love with me because I am so awesome HAVE YOU SEEN ME PLAY TABU…this is all so stupid, office romance is the equivalent of a Starbucks, something to get you through the day, too much makes you sick. You think you have something, maybe it is nothing, and you inject meaning, convinced of casual understated love. The pillow talk, so original in whispers, so stupid in the light of day, in this terrible office lighting, by this girl, talking is just noise …oh, if I ever hear anyone describe our culture as increasingly nihilistic again I’m punching them in the jaw.
Somewhere in the middle of the super sexy and insanely successful, the rest of us lie, most likely on a poorly made futon. So drink and party and dance and always consider strip clubs an appropriate proxy for understanding human nature and why office relationships don’t work.
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