Ah, yes. Reading week has come to an end, and if you’re like me, then it held no meaning whatsoever. But if you’re a student, then you’re headed back to class, and you’re likely not too thrilled about it.
So, you spent the entire week reading textbooks, and sharpening your brain for the final stretch of the school year. Oh…wait…you didn’t? You went on a week-long bender/played Xbox until 6am every night/got a wicked raccoon tan in Cancun instead? Well, now you’re back in the real world, and you have to keep your brain sharp for all that book learnin’. I’m going to go ahead and make the wild assumption that your biggest problem is going to be transitioning back to a sleep schedule that doesn’t involve twelve hours of shuteye every night.
Let’s face it – you’re going to be burning the midnight oil for your midterms and papers, and it’s not going to be fun. You’re going to be groggy in the morning, no matter how many rims you roll up, and that’s just a fact of life. Based on my lifelong experience as a sleeper and waker-upper, here are a few slightly ridiculous methods you can use to make those mornings a little more bearable:
1. Set your alarm to a song that makes you want to boogie
This is a personal favourite of mine. Ever since I learned how to put musical doohickies on my cellular telephonic device, I’ve reveled in the fact that I can choose what song wakes me up in the morning. If I know it’s going to be a rough one, all I have to do is set my alarm to Safety Dance, and by the time I’m fully awake, I’m already busting a move in the washroom.
2. Get a cat
There are two things I know about cats: they love to wake people up and they’re cuddly as hell. If your cat is on a regular schedule (i.e. 23 hours of sleep per day), all you have to do is leave your bedroom door open, and you’ll have a purring ball of fur wake you up each morning.
In case you’re unfamiliar with this concept, a lucid dream is a dream in which you are aware that you’re dreaming. That means – bingo – you can dream about whatever you want. Unlike regular dreams that leave you confused and disoriented, lucid dreams can lead you to paradise and put a smile on your face when you hop out of bed. I know that if Kristen Bell and I were flying on a dragon made of ketchup chips every night, I’d be a happy camper in the morning.
4. Hire your roommate to play a slowly escalating harp
I admit, this one is a tad tricky. Acquiring a harp is not the hard part – I’m going to assume you’ve got one lying around. The tough part is trusting your roommate to be your alarm clock (I suggest paying him off with Red Bulls). If you can do that, then you’ve got nothing to worry about, and you can hit the hay knowing that you’re going to be gently awoken by the sweet, sweet plucking of an awkwardly shaped, extremely large stringed instrument.
5. Go to sleep wherever you need to wake up
If you have an early class, sleep in the lecture hall; if you have a dentist appointment in the morning, sleep outside the office; if you’re meeting a friend for coffee, the Starbucks roof will do just fine. This method allows you to bypass your awful morning routine and begin your day immediately. When you wake up, you’ll be right in the thick of things, instead of wasting all your time “getting ready” and “going somewhere”. Only practice this method, however, if you’re okay with being arrested for trespassing.
6. Don’t sleep
If you never go to sleep, then you’ll never have to wake up. It’s as simple as that. Stay up for long enough, and you’ll start hallucinating (awesome). Stay up for even longer than that, and you’ll break through the barrier of sleep deprivation, meaning you’ll be permanently awake for the rest of your life. Thus, you’ll be healthy, happy, and ready to start each day with a smile on your face. That’s how it works, right?……right?……
Filed Under: LDU Originals
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