5 Reasons Not to Bareback a D-Rank Celebrity

If any of this information dawns on you as groundbreaking, enlightening or otherwise eye-opening…. You clearly have no common sense, no self respect, or you’re really just flat out stupid… also you really need this list! Here are 5 Reasons Not to Bareback a D-Rank Celebrity:

1.  Your friends and social acquaintances will probably judge you, feel sorry for you, or pretend what you did was amazing….. you’ve haphazardly confused discussions of humor for idolization.  Your Bad.

2.  The celebrity in question has  had sex with at least 1 girl in every city they’ve toured in promoting their pathetic excuse for a television show/myspace profile/perfume collection/soon-to-be-failed singing career.

3.  Of those “lucky” individuals, they’ve had unprotected sex at least half, not to mention the other freaky sexual acts they probably had their partners perform.

4.  Your self-esteem will find rock bottom after the results come back positive from your next Health Clinic visit… which you might be able to spin into some press of your own, because we’re pretty sure you’re the type.

5. We have all heard what they say about last evening’s catch on television.  What makes you think you will be different?  Have some respect for yourself… or don’t. Chugging beer and having sex wit everyone does in fact mean everyone… you’re just an idiot.