10 Things To Do If Western Goes On Strike [Epic List]

Much like our other lists, this one took some serious deliberation. We wanted to provide you with a list of activities that would edify you as human beings, and intellectually stimulate you in a time of potential academic drought… If you believed any of that, you haven’t been coming to class here at LDU nearly long enough. Look, we’ve got intellectually poor friends from York that endured their 3 month strike season back in oh-eight and they’ve offered to help us through this time of potential mayhem. We could see a strike as early as November, so why not stock up for the winter and prepare for revelry? Here are 10 Things To Do If Western Goes On Strike!

1) Live Every Week Like It’s Frosh Week

If you thought the Ceeps line up was bad this weekend, you’d better expect to see St. Patty’s/Homecoming-esque lines EVERYWHERE pretty much every day. You’ll probably have to leave earlier and earlier for the bar everyday as people start to depend on a diet of chicken wings and bar fair, as their food runs out and their will to cook/clean for themselves is blurred by a cycle of drunk-hungover-drunk. The only reason that last 40% of Western students aren’t bar-stars is because they spend their time actually studying. Take that away, and there really is no reason to wait until 10pm to start drinking dollar beers, or dropping “good morning” Jag-Bombs.

2) Stock Up On Condoms

Remember that time we said “Chug a beer, have sex with everyone”? Well, expect a lot more of that. With all that extra time, members of the opposite sex will meet up more often to “hang out and watch a movie” or “stay over after the bar because its closer than where I live” or “come over with a 6-pack and see what happens” because there will be so much more useful free time on hand. University students like having sex. This is science. Without the excuse of “I have an exam/test/quiz/paper tomorrow” there’s a good chance that condoms will be in high demand once everybody’s top drawer stash runs out. Condoms will be a hot commodity. Stock up, and if you play your cards right, you may be able to use them as bargaining chips when the Great Condom Drought of 2010 hits. True story.

3) Campus Kegger

We’ve been talking about having some sort of ninja-party or campus kegger for years. How hard could it be? Some vodka in orange juice cartons, some rum in Coke bottles, some Jagger in Benalyn flasks, the sky is the limit boys and girls. Anyway, there may not be any further need for discreet dodging with this here strike. We’ve all been to campus tent parties, so I’m not sure why this would be any different, right? Wouldn’t it hypothetically be hilarious if someone had a kegger on the 2nd floor of Weldon? …We didn’t say that.

4) Apply School Knowledge

Hear us out on this one! You’ve been in Ivey for a few months now? Start an underground poker ring! You’ve been in Poli-Sci and nobody takes you seriously? Overthrow a government! Use your first year chem knowledge to become a meth dealer and live your life like a Breaking Bad episode! The future is now people! Gender issues students: Random makeout protest on Concrete Beach!… It was worth a shot.

5) Capture a deer, tame it, and charge money for Reindeer rides downtown during the holiday season.

We’d just like to see that happen, and maybe just maybe you’ll meet a hot mom.

6) Hotbox Something Ridiculous

Hotbox the Kin Lab, the Periodicals section, or go for the gusto and hotbox the Alumni Hall Gym. There is no end to your creativity and can-do spirit. After-all, you kind of go to the greatest school on Earth. A word of advice- Get sponsored by Frito-Lay. You will need the snackage.

7) Have sex on campus.

And I don’t mean just the tip. Why not Middlesex tower? The Western Observatory? Centre Ice at Thompson? Or roll the dice a little bit more and shoot for a Canadian monument…the white buffalo…the excalibur of exotic sex locales…THE GLASS FLOOR OF THE CN tower. Has it been done? We won’t know until you tell us.

8 ) Travel.

Why stick around town as the thermometer drops, when you could persuade any multitude of loose, like minded individuals to hop a plane with you to Vegas. WestJet is always having some sort of seat sale. Hell, the US porn market is on hold for the next few months and with the turnover required to stay current in that industry you could start a fledgling porn empire in a manner of days from your Vegas hotel room. Think about it. If you don’t do it, someone else will…annnnnd that’s what she said. If you’ve already booked your Punta Cana trip and are looking for something a little closer to the 401, go to Windsor and show those slouches how it’s done, while making intermittent trips across the border for some gambling n’ drinking, but don’t forget to bring oxygen tanks- It’s like sitting in a garage with the car running over there. However, if you don’t quite feel like slummin’ it, Waterloo Laurier is near enough as long as you don’t mind raging out in a bar that’s part of a plaza. Or you could pack some glowsticks, head further East, and blow your OSAP on a legendary weekend in Toronto. Three words: The Brass Rail.

9) Creatively Drink

It goes without saying that during a strike, copious amounts of alcohol is bound to be consumed by the aimless student population. Why not make a drinking game out of it? Aside from the fact that the Beer Store and LCBO will run out of stock quickly, the strike presents a unique opportunity to drink. And I mean fucking drink. Become so good at flip cup and beer pong that your make the Six O’Clock News and all of the Sports Channel’s highlight reels. Drink to the extent that light beer no longer affects you…seriously it’s possible…I think. Drink so that your name will live on in infamy long after you pass on and freshmen in year’s to come will only whisper your name with baited breath as though the mere mention of your name could cause your legend to be reincarnated…or something to that effect. Also, once you’ve gotten tired of going to your favourite 3 bars 15 times in the same week (5 times of which was for food) take 50 of your buddies to a small unsuspecting pub, pick a particular type of beer or liquor, and drink them absolutely dry! Jagger is always a good place to start, and if they don’t have much of it, finish that and move on to something else. If you get really ambitious, try to drink an entire establishment dry of alchoholic products. Dilute the rubbing alchohol if you have to, but brothers and sisters- So it has been written. So shall it come to pass!

And always, always pour one out for your homies.

10) Sleep.

Odds are that your rabid party lifestyle has yet to catch up with you, as the forces of being young and looking good tend to fend off the negative effects of living the Western life. At least on the surface. Below your flawless epidermis is an armageddon of hurt and decades worth of missed sleep. Odds are if your roommates go home, your phone is dead, you don’t set an alarm, and you lie down for more than 20 minutes you’ll wake up and the strike will be over and the year will be 2015. Happy hovercrafting.